why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
