It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
