My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
