she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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