he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
