I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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