You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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