My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
