whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
