So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
