I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
