it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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