yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
