I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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