after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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