I wish I could punch you in the face.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
