I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
