yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Text me some of your sweat
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
