it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
