hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
