Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
