make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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