On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
