hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
foreskin is a definite game changer
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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