Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
