So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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