I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
