I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
