Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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