Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
