i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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