Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
