he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
