idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
