Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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