I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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