Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
