Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
