you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
