I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
