i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
