i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
