Just fell off a train. Bad.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
