I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
