She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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