he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
