"it" just moved
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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