Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
