so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
