Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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