Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
