she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
